In my own life as well as those of my clients, there are moments where we may need to accept “what is.” There are other moments when we need to mindfully push forward toward a goal. This blog post will explore thoughts about how to differentiate these moments. I would welcome your thoughts about this existential dilemma we all face, as it is central to happiness.
I have heard the following in pop psychology. Boomers have the rap of being discontent and always wanting more. The Gen Xers have the rap of being lost without chemical highs, and feeling unfulfilled at times. The Millenials have the rap of demanding more out of life and being hard to direct if it disagrees with their view. Isn’t it interesting that at all life phases this theme of struggling with accepting vs. pushing ahead appears?
For this blog I will define acceptance as having conscious gratitude for what is. When we fully accept something, we are released from worrying about it and from trying to change it. Acceptance can be facilitated by naming things that we are grateful for. It is enhanced with the humility of realizing things, opportunities, and people have come to us that we did not fully earn. A sense of wonder tops off our bucket of acceptance when we receive insights and joy from unexpected sources. Conscious acceptance as a choice can lead to quiet energy and calm.
Does it make sense to you readers that we should “accept” when we are just plain tired and need to rest, as well as when we can say “It is enough?” I reach this point when I have fulfilled most of my goals, and can also sustain enough connections to critical people and important themes in my life, to feel content for sustained moments of time.
I envision pushing forward as emerging from different motives. It begins with acknowledging an unfulfilled deep desire. Often it is about wanting more connection, sense of purpose, status, security, or love. It can also be motivated by trying to resolve some inner conflict of values and priorities. When the push ends with accomplishment, satisfaction and peace is gained.
Some people seem like humped camels, moving from pushing forward to pushing forward without the energetic renewal of a time of acceptance in between. Many of them are resilient enough to keep bounding along for years – they achieve great things and enjoy much satisfaction until a valley eventually hits. I then meet some of them as a therapist or as a resilience or life balance coach.
I wonder if we should choose to push forward when one of two conditions occur. The first is when a deep value violation forces its’ way into our lives. An example would be when you were raised to work hard as part of your self esteem, and you are suddenly out of work. It makes sense to push until you find another job or another career that will move you ahead. The second is when something unexpected happens and you need to regain balance. Examples could be your own or family serious illness, forced retirement, or an unexpected failure of a goal caused by external forces or your own misguided choices.
What do you think? What is your most reliable source of happiness? Acceptance, or pushing ahead?
Warmly,
Jeanne Erikson, PhD, PCC, BCC
Jeanne@collaborativelifecoaching.com