Haven’t we all had the dilemma of trying to decide whether to stay or go from a job, a career, a lifestyle, or a relationship? Our emotions are in turmoil, and our ability to be loving and productive crumbles. We suffer. We know down deep that we need a change.
As Christine Caine points out, “Sometimes when you are in a dark place you think you have been buried, but actually you have been planted. “ I hope you read that twice.
As a life transition coach, I know that all meaningful change can come from being stuck and confused. Our growth is less painful if we see the place we are stuck as fertile material, even if sometimes it smells like an outhouse. Given enough energy, dark and smelly places can become compost for spectacular growth. Nature repeatedly shows us this truth.
Adult development is not static; it has phases arising from drives. Drives are inward patterns of desire that propel us forward. Childhood examples are walking, talking, and eventually leaving home. Even as adults we look for a mate, long for a child, search for meaning and purpose, and finally create a legacy. In most people, there are four or five developmental phases between 20 and 70. When we choose to ignore the power of these drives and try to “power through” a phase, we suffer and end up in a dark place once again.
How can we welcome those dark places as springboards to growth? One way is to identify their character and symptoms. Here are examples.
One dark place might reverberate with the inner critic voice who is critiquing us with “You should..” and “You haven’t”…. This place can be fertile ground to begin an inner journey toward self-acceptance and tolerance, or to kick-start more spiritual growth.
Another dark place could be feeling trapped at work or at home. Our thoughts could be torturing us with “you have to stay and finish this”. This dark soil could create the transforming energy to make a big change in lifestyle, personal boundaries, or career.
A third dark place is the desire to be excited about life but coming up empty. Looking at what is missing with fearless eyes, and naming it out loud to a trusted ally is a way to begin to fuel that change. This dark place can lead to life innovation.
How will you move from your current—or next– dark place into your own full development and meaningful change? Will you plant yourself, or just wither?